Sunshine
by Swaglestia
Summary: One-shot. Celestia reflects on the night she lost everything.


**Sunshine**

Every single day she brought forth was a grueling routine.

Celestia would tuck away the moon and raise the sun back up to its heavenly throne. Its rays illuminated the land and painted over the black canvas of night with a brilliant spectrum of morning hues, disintegrating any last straggling corners of darkness that were left over. Like the tide of the ocean, it slowly peaked and reached its way over every inch of the sisters' kingdom (_My kingdom, _Celestia reminded herself, feeling a grim void reopen in her chest), the newborn light making everything appear regal and gilded. Perched atop her highest balcony, she assumed anypony would go to great lengths just to get a mere glimpse at the sight that now reflected back in her eyes; although, after a millennium, the act that she once felt was so noble, was eventually soured with familiarity. After a millennium, it was as casual as blinking.

After a millennium, even raising the sun would become mundane.

When the dusk gave way to the morning, Celestia would then tend to any royal duties (and there were _always _royal duties). There never failed to be towns to visit, celebrations and festivals to attend, social and business issues that needed a final word, a letter to send to Twilight Sparkle, or any other dire matters that required her attention. Over the years the cycle became arduous and demanding, but she was bound to Equestria as much as Equestria was bound to her. It was an affair built on trust and equality; she gave them the sun to live and thrive, her subjects gave her unwavering and unconditional dedication. A win-win situation. Despite her private borderline-cynical thoughts, she truly loved everypony that resided in her kingdom. That alone reminded the princess that it was all worth it.

After the daily duties and avocations were put to rest and her sun began to descend sleepily on the horizon, she would retire to her room once again. Although, this did not promise the rewarding rest after a long day. It did not offer escape from the frantic existence of being a ruler, nor was it any sort of sanctuary. Celestia stared into the vast distance of the dying day and watched the world as it was shrouded in a veil of deep purples and jagged reds, such a sharp contrast from the golden, gentle touch of the dawn. She sighed.

She hated this part.

It was time to raise the moon.

Her chest panged, a merciless throb that made an almost forlorn melody with the strings of her heart. The frigid ghost of grief cast a shadow upon her as the process began, her horn dully aglow while the last drop of light faded from view. Where the sun once majestically shown was slowly but steadily being overcome by the cryptic moon, its low and luminous beams almost peaking in the vacant sky. _Any minute now, _she thought; any minute now, and she would see it. She didn't want to see it. She couldn't bear to see it. She _needed _to see it.

As if on cue, as if reading her thoughts, there it was.

The Mare in the Moon.

Her sister.

What crept in every night as she gazed upon the silhouette emblazoned on the moon was a cold kind of pain, rigid and taunting, acutely and knowingly jabbing against her one and only Achilles' heel. The feeling almost brought her to her knees, the princess reduced to a slave to her guilt. Her eyes affixed on the stony orb, she dared not look away; she _couldn't _look away. Each night, Celestia would stare up at the visage on the moon that seemed to stare back, albeit with a sinister and resentful glare. Each night, Celestia would, with hopeful yet vain and morbid determination, look for signs that her sister was still in the shell of that empty rock.

Each night, she would sing a familiar song to the moon, hoping that she was listening.

_"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."_

_ "'Tia,"_ She recalled the small meek voice of a very young Luna, her tone like a soft breeze through dancing leaves. _"Why do you sing this song to me if you're the one who controls the sun?"_

_"Because, my dear sister,"_ Celestia had replied. _"Without you, the sun would have no reason to rise."_

With a painful and longing fondness, she allowed distant memories to manifest and swirl within her mind. She remembered the childhood of her sister, the trials and difficulties that emerged as she watched her grow. Luna had always been an oddball; a recluse and an introvert, she had her quirks from the start. Unlike the elder princess, she had the tendency to be socially inept, almost painful to watch; however, she redeemed that downfall by her keen observant nature, her wit and mind as sharp as the diamonds that lined her crown. She was inquisitive to a fault as well, needing and yearning to know 'how come,' 'why,' and 'what' about everything the world had to offer. _So curious, so analytical, _Celestia had thought. _That could either be a blessing or a curse. _She had once noted that her student, Twilight Sparkle, had adorned striking similarities to Luna. The solitude. The cognitive lust for knowledge. _Perhaps that's why I had chosen her..._

But Twilight Sparkle wouldn't want to shroud the world into eternal night.

Celestia sighed, her mind becoming an unconquerable powerhouse of feelings and memories. Sometimes each event meshed into the other, creating a marriage of strange emotions and images that just didn't belong together. Proud and almost maternal moments, like Luna's very first moon-raising, were being accompanied by unrelenting sibling quarrels. Reels of the younger sister's childhood amazement were stained with smudges of her adulthood despondence.

But the one memory that always played back with crystal clarity was the one that plagued Celestia the most.

The night she banished her sister.

She remembered it vividly. Every step, every syllable, every downcast glare.

* * *

><p><em>The moon was supposed to be down over an hour ago.<em>

_ Something wasn't right._

_ Luna._

_ She had been acting... strangely. Irate. More detached than usual. Dark, deep bags of exhaustion were ingrained under her eyes, scribing silent tales of restlessness and tension. She hardly spoke and whenever the elder sister approached to console or confront her, Luna would snap with an abrupt, "It's not of importance to you." She would then return to her dormant, distant state, all too apparent that something was brewing in the privacy of her mind. Boiling. Seething. Churning._

_ Something _definitely_ wasn't right._

_ In haste, Celestia arose and walked through the corridors of the castle with all the caution of a nervous mouse. There was deafening silence, the only sound being the echo of her uneven hoofsteps ricocheting off the walls. She scanned the immediate area, eyes darting from door to door. No guards? A black feeling washed over her, realizing that something was very, very wrong indeed. She almost chocked on the thick fog of uncertainty that loomed in the air as the signs became clear that her worry was of substance. The pace of her heart increased, synchronizing with the pounding of her hooves. Racing against her own anxiety, she nearly soared to Luna's chamber. She pushed frantically against the heavy silver door with raw force but the entrance's reply was only a mere shake under the weight of her hooves. Locked._

_ Swifty, she examined the corridor for any glimpse of escape, her eyes automatically catching the large, ironclad double doors that served as the only entrance and exit to the hallway. She bounded towards it, her hooves colliding ruthlessly against its mass. Again, only a mocking shake. Locked._

_ Celestia swallowed the nagging panic that embodied itself as a lump in her throat, forcing herself to maintain a sound mind full of reason and clarity. Peering straight ahead of her, she came across her only option; a vast, stained-glass window adorned with a portrait of the sisters looking over their kingdom, separated into halves. One part day, one part night. _

_ She shot like the cork of a bottle under pressure, her horn sparking erratically with pulses of magic. As she charged, the hall shook. With the window mere feet away, a beam of light surged from her horn and impacted with the glass. There was a booming crash, shards bearing down like a colorful blizzard as the monumental portrait was smashed. Her snowy wings displayed in full bloom, Celestia leapt into the dark sky. She shivered, unable to tell whether it was from the nervous adrenaline or because it was far too chilly for a summer's night. Beating her wings up towards the grey clouds, she sat atop one and surveyed the perimeter below her in hopes that her sister was somewhere to be found. Her vision quickly investigated every last inch in a frenzy. East tower? No. Garden? No. Balcony? No. South tow-..._

_ "You truly are a persistent one, Celestia."_

_ The hot breath of the voice brushed behind her. She felt her blood freeze over._

_ She turned slowly, deliberately, unable to shake the sense of dread that now shook within her bones. Her heart already plummeting to her stomach, she came eye-to-eye with..._

_ That wasn't Luna._

_ Perched on a cloud, this mare was so much... bigger than Luna. Her mane was a wild, indefinable starry field that seemed to have a mind of its own. Her eyes, sharp and feline. Peculiar __head armor hid most of her features, save for a smug grin which she seemed to wear like a trophy._

_ Celestia's face contorted in confusion. "Who are you? Speak your name!"_

_ "What? Do you not recognize me, dear sister?" She spoke again, her voice a natural bellowing inflection, laced with sarcasm._

_ Sister?_

_ The swift confusion morphed into disbelief. Anger. This horrid thing, the manic twinkle in its eye and its condescending laugh, could not have been her sister. Her mind working like clockwork, she assumed something awful must have happened to Luna and this beast was responsible for it. The nerve, disgracing everything she held dear!_

_ "You are not Luna." Celestia raised her head as high as the monster's, her moment of weakness forgotten amongst the newfound rage. "What have you done with her?" She snarled every word._

_ The creature laughed as if Celestia's fury was the punchline of some wretched joke, her plated chest heaving with each curt chortle. "Why is it so hard to believe? Hmm? Have you, much like the rest of the world, not payed close enough attention to your sister?"_

_ The fire in Celestia's eyes wavered slightly, unsure. "What do you mean? Explain yourself!"_

_ Again, the sharp, spiteful chuckle. "Always looking for the good in everyone, even your scornful sister. So typical of you. So predictable." The darker mare extended her wings, taking off with a steady 'whoosh!' She flew in predatory circles around Celestia, matching the primitive glare in her eyes."So ignorant to the corruption that's been occurring right in front of you."_

_ Celestia snorted, still glaring straight ahead into the night, refusing to follow the other's movements. "Where is Luna?"_

_ "You still don't get it, do you?" The elder princess sensed the monster creep up behind her, practically able to feel her grinning. "Your sister lives within me."_

_ Celestia felt something inside her crack open, a deep fault line splitting down her core, while the hellish thing just laughed and laughed in jest at her remorse._

_ "That's impossible," The princess attempted to mask the bewilderment that flared inside. "She would never succumb to the likes of you."_

_ "Celestia, I truly do not believe that you are this blind." The monster halted in front of her, horn-to-horn as if beginning a sword fight. "You surely must have noticed how particularly grim your sister was becoming."_

_ Celestia said nothing._

_ "She was such an impressionable one," The creature continued. "So easily swayed by envy."_

_ This caught the princess's attention. "Envy?"_

_ The darker mare smirked. _

_ "Envious of what?" Celestia's glare narrowed, relentless._

_ "You, of course."_

_ She flinched, unaware of how to take in the information. "I've done nothing to cause my sister any type of resentment."_

_ "Of course you didn't, Celestia. Everypony knows you can do no wrong." Sarcasm spewed bitterly from each word, almost tangible._

_ "Get to the point." Her tone became hard and desperate, borderline frantic, despite her own efforts to abolish the outward frailty of her fear._

_ "Your subjects savored your sun," The monster began, eyes suddenly sprinkled with flecks of hate. "They adored the daylight, basking in its warmth and even celebrating all it does for them." Her face was that of disgust. "When you looked down upon the land, you saw happiness. You heard laughter, you were able to experience the joy alongside them. When your sister looked down on her kingdom, do you know what she saw? She saw an abyss, a void. A land shrouded in black. The epitome of loneliness. They wanted nothing to do with her. You can only imagine what that does to a heart." She flew in closer, the night air seeming to get colder as her voice grew low. "So, now, to settle the score, the moon will reign in the sky," Her tone now a whisper, "forever."_

_ Like pupils adjusting to light, everything became clear. Reality seemed to fade into nothingness, the world speeding away from her as the pieces swirled into a coherent image. Was she responsible for the monstrosity that stood before her? Was she the catalyst of her sister's misery?_

_ All of this..._

_ ... her fault?_

_ Numbness._

_ "You wish to condemn the world with eternal night?" The princess remained stoic, refusing to allow her emotions to budge an inch. "What satisfaction would that give you?"_

_ "My subjects would learn to love the night I bring forth." Her glare seemed to slice through the very center of the sky. "You would no longer be the superior one."_

_ "They need_ _both_ _the sun and moon to survive. Balance has been maintained for centuries. The ponies would not even be able to look upon your night for long because they would eventually perish without-..."_

_ "Do not try to reason with me!" The monster barked through gritted teeth. Her horn began to surge, sparks of dark matter materializing. "Your ways of peaceful and civil resolution will have no place in this world. Be gone!" _

_ Before Celestia could react, an azure beam of magic tore through the atmosphere and collided with her. The night sky flew past her as she plunged downwards, the bitter air hitting her in heavy waves. In a tactless frenzy, she furiously flapped her wings to regain control and thwart her quick decent. All efforts appeared to be in vain as the monster's wicked, shining grin grew further and further away, eventually fading into the background of the night like the subtle shading of a painting. The world was becoming surreal as the vast endlessness of the sky was quickly replaced by the tops of the castle towers, their tips seeming to puncture the starry black ceiling. The hard and impetuous pounding of her wings had abruptly halted, the turbulent wind of the fall rendering them useless and tangled. The princess could feel it; the ground was close._

_ In the instant the thought reared itself, she felt the impact of the solid limestone and rigid rock of the castle's roof. It crushed under the sudden weight, breaking off into tiny fragments and showering the floor with a cascade of small noises. The rubble lightly echoed off the walls, immediately followed by the deafening blow of Celestia striking the smooth floor._

_ Pain shot through the length of the princess's now rag-doll body, as if it were coursing alongside her veins. The broken roof of the castle scattered around her like fallen soldiers while she lie there, motionless and buffeted. The princess slowly lifted a leg, but the action was silenced when a paralyzing strain gushed within the limb. An involuntary groan escaped her throat as she finally attempted to open her eyes, her surroundings becoming coherent despite the depth of the night. A golden door with a secure horn-locking device stood mere yards in front of her, and that was all she needed to see to know exactly where she was; the vault. The fall had crash-landed her into The Chamber of the Elements._

_ Her head buzzing with pain, a vague and sleepy memory of the last time she had used the elements flashed through her mind, when she and Luna liberated Equestria from Discord. What she assumed looked like a smile faintly danced upon her lips as she remembered her sister's reluctance to harm anything, nonetheless their foe. Every memory of Luna had been gentle, timid. The throes of madness that had suddenly been shoved into Celestia's reality were otherworldly, nightmarish in their essence._

_ Breaking her muddled thoughts, she heard the light flapping of wings, followed by the clop of hooves on the polished marble floor. Despite the little time that had elapsed, Celestia could recognize the voice anywhere._

_ "Will you finally accept defeat, Celestia?"_

_ In the floor's reflection, she saw the monster approach, hovering over her like a vulture to its prey. Looking closer, six shimmering relics adorning the back wall also caught her eye. A beacon. A flare. A saving grace._

_ Destiny, it seemed, had backed her into a corner. The immensity of her actions and the desperation of the situation had pinned her down, leaving her no options. Either she die here, perpetual darkness enveloping the land she had spent years trying to protect, or she eradicate the beast that wanted nothing more than to watch the world shatter under her own power._

_ She had no choice._

_ Despite the blinding pain that arose with every movement, the princess lifted her head up towards the elements. Mustering every last expanse of power that remained in her, she focused it to her horn. She could physically feel herself being drained, her strength fleeting with her wavering consciousness. A small aura surrounded her horn, slowly growing in size._

_ "Just one spark..." _

_ The magic surged and flickered on the brink for a brief moment, restless and awaiting to be freed. Like a lion being awoken from slumber, the elements arose from their comatose, illuminated with energy._

_ "Wha-" The monster stared at the scene that was unfolding, taking a cautionary step back. "What do you think you're doing?" The usual smug malevolence that shined in her eyes was dethroned by amplifying fear._

_ With a mysterious sense of awareness, the elements surrounded the creature and followed her every movement. Their light continued to grow, as did the dread that cast upon her face. In an instant, a torrent of magic swirled around the mare, engulfing her completely. The princess saw an armored hoof briefly tear through the wall of magic, it seemed to beg and plead._

_ Celestia looked away._

_ "Please forgive me, Luna." _

_ A beam of light. An impact. Screams. Cries. White. Silence._

_ "I'm so sorry, sister..."_

* * *

><p>It was one-thousand years ago to the day.<p>

It still stung as if it happened yesterday.

"On the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape." Celestia recited, finally ripping her eyes away from the night sky. It was a sinking sensation, knowing all too well what would occur that morning once she had to raise the sun again. A sick part of her was aberrantly anxious with anticipation; the possibility of seeing her sister again after so long, no matter what state she was in, was such a tempting prospect.

Horn aglow, her magic ensnared a scroll and quill, floating in front of her like guards standing at attention. She began to write, her flowing and precise calligraphy dancing across the page.

_My dear Twilight,_

_ There's more to a young pony's life than studying._

Celestia stopped as abruptly as she started, some unknown nagging feeling pulling her away from the letter at hand.

She peered into the outside world again, this time curiously straining her eyes to possibly see into the Everfree Forest; a small flame of hope forging inside her that she might catch a glimpse of the ruins of her old castle. Unconsciously, she suddenly found her gaze straying upon the moon again, eyes glistening longingly with a millennium of regret. For the second time, she had to force herself to rip her attention away. Shaking her head and returning to the scroll, she began to hum softly.

_ "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."_


End file.
